Unexpected

Up to now, I'm still juggling my mind as to what have happened before that unfaithful day. It was supposed to be a happy get together, chit chats and catching up about about each other, and saying good bye to our senior nurse who is leaving for good due to her delicate pregnancy.

You suddenly walked out of the restaurant, without saying anything. We followed you, asked you what's the problem, but what you said puzzled us more. You didn't even drank the bottle of water I bought for you at the nearby store.

Two days after that day, I saw you, and I even talked to you. You seem fine, as if nothing happened. I don't want to ask about you about what happened two days ago because I want you to share it to us willingly, but you said nothing.

After that, I was surprised when I heard that you went to the Emergency room, and had sick leave. You never go to work after that. I asked our co-staff what happened to you, and become even more surprised with her answers, although she gives me a hanging information, as puzzling as you have become. She even asked me to keep anything I know confidential, which I answered, how would I keep something confidential if I don't know anything in the first place?

I kept mum when people asked me about what happened to you. And the irony is, I am the one hearing what happened to you. I was asked to keep silent, but the people around me were never silent. I heard from other people different stories, different opinions, and I can't help myself but worry about you.

I want to visit you in your apartment, but I had a hectic work schedule. I was not able to do anything, and I am sorry for that.

One day, I received a message from one of our co-staff to attend your "Maassalama" party (despidida party) on the day of your flight home. And I was like, "whaaatt?!?" Why is it so sudden? In a week or so, after your sick leave, you're already leaving? And not just for a vacation, but for good. 

A SMALL GATHERING, with your NFM family who loves you to bits.

I came from night shift during your maassalama party, and still going for night shift on that day but I don't mind. I don't mind If I don't have enough sleep and enough energy for the next 12-hour shift as long as I will be able to say good bye to you and be with you even for a short while.

When I came to that small party, I immediately looked for you, and there you were, sitting on the sofa, with eyes puffy and small from crying, but still laughing and smiling with everyone in the room. You even managed to have a "wacky" pose with us in this picture.

When we gave you our gift as a small souvenir, I have seen gratitude in your face. As you open the gift, your eyes became misty. You had a small speech, thanking us for the friendship, for the support, for the experiences you had with us. You were crying. 

When are we going to personally see that genuine smile again?

You will always be the soft-spoken, shy, and timid ate Tin I have known. I will not say good bye, but I am wishing you all the luck. I hope we will hear from you soon. We will miss you. Thanks for all the happy and sad memories we had.

God bless you always.

Nuts and Candies

When was the last time I have eaten these?

While I was in the Philippines, I'm taking for granted these "junks". And I realized just now after receiving these from ate Karen and Ate Myra how I miss these Filipino foods.

Thanks for the pasalubong ate Ka and ate Mai! :D

Nomnom. Happiness.

Nursing: A Leading Force for Change

Lemme share my essay entry for our Nurse's Day celebration. I have won? No. I'm not bitter. I have listened to the winning essays and I couldn't agree more that they are far better than mine. I just want to give this a chance to be read by many, that is if I have readers out there.

This year's theme. Photo courtesy of CNA

So, here it is.

The cliche change is the only constant thing in this world is very significant in the health care spectrum. And nurses, being the forefront of health care faces a lot of change. As technology advances and the lifestyle and trends develop, the types and severity of illnesses changes as well, making it an everyday challenge for the health care providers to cope up with the implementation of patient care.

Thus enters nursing research. Nursing research has improved and increased tremendously over the last few decades. Nursing researchers plays a major role in the development of how nurses adapt to this rapidly changing world. In this health care arena, researches such as the incidence of health care associated infections in different hospitals at different levels of care further improves nurses' awareness in infection control. Other researches such as improving the quality of life, promoting health and preventing illnesses, patient's safety, wound care and management, end-of-life care, and many other areas play a big impact on performing and implementing health care especially when those researches were applied into practice.

When it comes to innovation, nurses also plays a vital role. Being the forerunners and being always in the patient's bedside, nurses have tremendous appetite for inventions. From improvise splints to big nursing inventions such as the pedi-nebulizer, which acts a pacifier while delivers aerosol to the nostrils of a sick infant and makes every infant nebulization less hassle, and the Nurse's Joey, a 16-pocketed utility tool belt which was designed purposely for nurses in order to deliver and perform patient care, nurses were known to be inventors too. These inventions help not only for the patients and nurses but also for the other health care team members.

Nursing education doesn't stop when you graduated and finished your degree. There are also post graduate courses such as masteral's degree and doctoral's degree. Apart from that, nurses are required to attend seminars and workshops to further enhance their knowledge and skills in delivering health care. These lectures also plays an impact on nursing services, not just earning the required continuing medical education credit hours. And because nursing has a wide scope, nursing specialization is beneficial so that one can focus on the special area you are in.

Because there is nursing education, there should also be nursing educators. Their contribution in the health care arena should never be forgotten. They were the ones who instilled into the minds of the nurses today the importance of quality care to the patients, as well as the skills and knowledge that they have acquired through out their nursing education. They are one of the few people who are responsible for creating excellent, innovative, efficient, and effective nurses.

Without nursing administrators who helps and guides the nurses today, nursing would also be futile. They develop policies and guidelines in performing health care. They lead nurses towards innovation and towards change. They serve as a role model in the health care profession.

There is a nurse leader in every nurse. As situation arises, it's not just the charge nurse or the head nurse who plays the role of a leader. Leadership means making decision and performing it depending on what the situation calls for. Take for example the Filipina nurse Menchu Sanchez who lead doctors and her fellow nurses in transferring twenty sick NICU patients to other hospitals around the city when hurricane Sandy destroyed Langone Medical Center where she is working. When everything went blank, she didn't even thought that her family and her house is being submerged into deep waters, but thought about how they would save the lives of the sick newborns. She led the team using the hospital stairs and guided themselves with the lights of their cellphones. All infants were transferred safely to other hospitals. She was even mentioned in President Obama's state of the nation address, thanking and recognizing her for her great leadership.

Nurses as advocate for health works not alone, but with all the health care members. She works collaboratively and makes every treatment, recovery, and rehabilitation successful.

As we celebrate nurse'd day, we celebrate nurses too... Leading change and advancing health is not that difficult---that is, nurses' way.

Happy Nurses' Day!

Well, that's it. :) 

An Open Letter to A Lost Nephew

Dear baby boy,

I know that you don't know me. I don't know you either. I haven't seen you nor touched you. I only knew about you when my aunt (your aunt grandmother) told me about your mom's pregnancy with you. That was four months ago. I was excited of course. You will be my first nephew. Did you know that I've been long longing for a nephew or a niece? Since my elementary years, I am jealous with my classmates whenever they were talking about their little "pamangkins", how they call them titio and tita, and how they would ask attention from them. But I know it would be impossible if it would be from my brothers and sisters because I am the eldest. And my only hope was your mom. She's my first cousin. We were born eleven months apart, her being the older one. Me and your mom is close. She lived with us during our grades 5 and 6 and we graduated in elementary together.

Before, after your father asked for your mom's hands to your grandma and to your great grandparents, she asked me that I will be the maid of honor on their wedding, and I will be the one who will be in charge of the souvenirs and wedding invitations. I agreed of course. I was even excited, not because I will be wearing gown and heels, but because I know, soon after that, I will have my nephew or niece.

That didn't happened. I was not able to wait for your parent's marriage. I went out of the country to support the schooling of your other aunties and uncles, and you were developed even without their marriage. I admit that at first, I am having difficulty accepting you because your parents aren't married yet. Who wants a child to be born out of wedlock? But I learned to accept you because you're there already. We cannot undo your presence in your mom's womb. The only thing that your aunt grandma wished for during that time is that your parents be married. Yes, the marriage happened two months before you were born. That was a simple civil wedding. No, I was not there. I haven't witnessed your parents exchange their vows, but I have seen their pictures. I have seen how big you've become inside your mom's tummy. You should have seen her carrying you inside her. She seemed like she swallowed a whole basketball. 

Now, you were born. I haven't seen your birth either. I was not there of course. I have learned about your birth from the same aunt who told me about your mom's pregnancy. She texted me while I was sleeping, and the moment I have read her text message, I felt my head became bigger, and my heart started to flutter, and I only managed to say, "what?!?" She said you were born already, and that they brought you home. Not only that, she told me your brain is outside your head. I cannot understand her message at first. I read and reread her message, not only thrice. I don't know how many. I thought my eyes is only failing me because I just came from sleep. But even after reading her message repeatedly, I realized that I've seen the correct words. I replied to her asking what she means, and she just confirmed me my thoughts. You have encephalocele. A congenital disorder with the parts of your brain protruding from your head. I know right at the moment that you will not survive. And I was saddened by that.

I maintained contact with your aunts and aunt grandma, asking about how you are doing and how your mom handles the situation. The next time I know, you were brought back to another hospital. I know that bringing you to any health care facility would only prolong your life to hours if not days. And I am right. After a few hours, I have learned that you left us already.

You only lived for not more than 48 hours. You haven't seen the world, less your mom and dad. You haven't seen how beautiful it is outside your mom's tummy. You haven't seen your cousins aunts and uncles, your grandparents and your great grandparents. You haven't seen the flowers and the rainbows, the green trees and the flowing waters. And maybe you didn't even had the chance to hear your parents say I love you to you. You didn't heard the beep of a car, the rustling of the leaves, your mom didn't had the chance to cuddle you, and your dad have not carried you in his arms longer.

Please don't blame your mom. Don't blame your dad either. You were developed from their love with each other, and never did they thought you will be like that. Nobody is to be blamed here. Don't be like your aunts and uncles on your father's side. They are blaming your mom why you've become like that. Your condition is due to folic acid deficiency, which you have developed while you're on your twenty fifth to twenty sixth day on your mom's womb. She might not even know about your presence in her womb that time. Yes, your condition might not have happened if your mom is well-nourished, but you know our condition, right? How hardly we are working in order for us to fill our stomachs. We're not rich to afford that check ups, and to maintain being healthy. If you will see the condition of life in your mom's place, you will understand what I mean.

They are blaming your mom because according to them, she could have had an ultrasound while she's still pregnant. But what would an ultrasound do with your condition? They would only learn about it earlier. Nothing could change it, even if she had hundreds and thousands of ultrasounds in the world. Learning about it earlier can have only two things, they will be accepting your condition earlier and accept it, or your mom and dad, or your extended family can develop depression earlier. Now, if your mom developed depression while you're still inside her, chances of having her bleed is great, which may harm her life as well. Do you like that also? Please make them understand that. 

You may have not lived longer, but please know that we love you. You have a special place in our hearts. You will always be my first pamangkin that I never had. I know you're better off up there than here on earth. In heaven, you'll be happy. You'll play with the angels even if you haven't had the chance to play with your cousins. Do not worry, we will always be here for your mom. She's strong. She can move on. And your dad's with her too. 

We love you. Remember that.

Love,

Your aunt

Deflated

I cried at work today. Don't raise your eyebrows. I know I shouldn't have done it. But can you blame me if all those emotions have been bottled up and just needs one triggering stimuli to be out? I'm not really a cry baby for crying out loud. Yes, I can easily be affected with different sorts of emotions, but to cry with lots of people around, especially with the most vulnerable patients is definitely not my forte.

Today is different though. This is the first time I shed a tear in front of my patients, take note, it's with an S and in front of my colleagues, and the first time that I've cried due to work.

For almost four years that I have been working as a nurse, not to mention the same almost four years that I have worked as a student nurse, I never complained about the patients given to me. I sometimes might doubt myself if I can handle well the cases given to me especially if it is the first time I'll be handling that case, but after a few mind setting, I will settle for it. It's because for me, the harder the case, the more learning I'll get, and the more I can test myself how effective and efficient nurse I am.

Today is no exception. It was the usual busy day at Female Surgical Ward. Since I am not their regular staff (due to floating system since the hospital renovation started), the Assistant Head Nurse oriented me a bit to the patients I'll be handling even If I had received the endorsement. She assigned six patients to me. Here in this hospital where I am working, that is the maximum number of patients per nurse, No big deal for me. The thing is, two of them are total care patients, both orthopedic cases. As usual, I just agreed after she told me my allocation. She also promised me that I will not be given any admission anymore since I have heavy cases, and even told me that If I'm having difficulty with my patients, I just inform her and she will deload one patient from me. After the allocation, I visited my patients,  took vital signs, and gave the due medications. In between those tasks, I will answer their call bells to give them this and that. In short, I was really busy, plus I have a patient for cataract extraction. She had this eye drops every ten minutes as preparation for her surgery.  So I was coming in and out from one room to another, performing my duties.

While I was busy with my tasks, their Head Nurse called me, and said, "22A (one of my total care ortho patients )is for discharge. The son is here, prepare everything. If the patient is ready, just tell me so that I can call for the EMT and ambulance."  Since I never had the chance to browse her files, I still checked everything then prepared her home medications and arranged for appointment to two clinics as out-patient follow up. During that time, my cataract extraction patient arrived from the recovery room, so I left first the plastic bag with home medications and appointment slips at the nurses' station and received the endorsement from the recovery room nurse who wheeled my patient back to her room.  After receiving the endorsement , settling my patient to her bed and attaching the dynamap to set her vital signs checking every fifteen minutes, I returned to the station and waited for the son to come since the HN told me that the son is present already.  I looked around the station and the ward's vicinity to find the son, but I've only seen one man, the one who accompanies one newly-admitted patient. That's the time I said to myself that instead of being idle while waiting, I will eat a scoop of my lunch first since my stomach is already grumbling from hunger. I am supposed to tell the HN that I am just waiting for the son to come but she is busy talking to somebody, explaining something, so I just told the charge nurse to "please tell her that everything is ready, I'm just waiting for the son to come. These are the home meds and appointment slips. I will just be inside the pantry and eat my lunch. If the son comes, just call me."

Before I went to the pantry, I checked first my post-op patient, and as I returned to the station to go to the pantry, I heard the head nurse say "She's expecting me to do everything for her patient? I'm not the primary nurse", obviously referring to me. Apparently, the charge nurse relayed the wrong message. She told her that I am giving the plastic bag to her (HN). My initial reaction is just to stare at her. Then I told her my real message, and she told me to tell the patient's watcher to call the son. Of course it didn't came into my mind anymore since she told me that the son is in the hospital already. I went back to 22A and told the watcher to call the son. While I was there, 22C, my day 1 post Antero-Posterior repair, whom I removed the vaginal packing previously told me that she's experiencing per vaginal bleeding and she's afraid about it. While I was checking her napkin, tears came out rolling from my eyes. I tried my best not to show it to her. I went out of the bathroom, and dabbed a tissue at my eyes, then I went back to her again and reassured her that it is just normal, while I forced a reassuring smile at her. She might have noticed that I cried and asked me what's the problem. When I answered "none", another flood of tears came out. She even offered me her tissue paper while I'm assisting her to bed.

I went back to the station with bowed head so that they will not see me crying and continued with my tasks without eating my lunch. I came back to 22A to remove her IV fluids and her cannula and I saw the HN changing the arm sling of my patient. While I was removing the cannula, I sobbed while controlling my tears. She might have heard me sniff so she asked me, " Why are you crying?". I said "nothing". Then she told me in front of the patient, "my instructions are clear. I told you to prepare everything and tell me if it's ready so that I can call for the EMT." I just answered her that the charge nurse relayed the wrong message. Then I left her and went to the bathroom again to wipe my tears.

I managed to control my tears after that. But somebody noticed my eyes. And everyone kept asking after that. You know the feeling when you're hurting and all seem very concerned, and your tears won't stop flowing?

Maybe the only thing that I want to point here is she should have not said "she's doing everything for her patient" because I am the one who is at the patient's bedside. I am the one who changed the soiled diaper, I am the one who had difficulty changing the bed linens while the patient is on the bed, I am the one who smelled the urine-soaked diapers and linens, I am the one whom the patient got mad at because I didn't changed her diapers immediately as I was busy, I am the one who strained my back from rolling the patient to sides, I am the one who gave the medicines, the one who checked the vital signs, the one who's doing the nursing assessment and documenting it. And her? She just arranged for the ambulance and EMT and changed the arm sling, and she's doing everything for my patient?

Okay, I might be being childish here, but heck. I was really hurt when after all the things I have done to my patients, she's claiming she did it all. And what's worst,  she did it in front of my colleagues, where everybody heard. I rarely get into shameful situations, and this one didn't only shamed me, it hurt my ego as well.

Still crying.

That Connection

For three unconsecutive but short-spanned days, I was assigned at ICU Extension. Their patients are long-term chronic patients with ventilators. During that time that I was there, they only have two patients, a man and a woman, both geriatrics, both diagnosed with respiratory failure, and both depends their lives on the machines attached to their bodies.

The old man's respiratory failure is secondary to his chronic motor neuron disease. He is quadriplegic (paralyzed on all four limbs). Paralyzed that he is, he cannot move his body. He can talk but you will not hear any sound because of the tracheostomy tube on his throat attached to the ventilator. Yes, he is fully conscious, but helpless.

Whenever he wants anything, he would make a sound with his teeth. That has became his "call bell" since he won't be able to press the call bell beside him. The only part of his body which he can move by himself is his head and his face.

Every now and then, he would get our attention with his "call bell". Usually he wants only to move his legs on his desired position, ask for another blanket or fix his blanket  suction his tracheal secretions, or fix his arms. And since he cannot do any gesture but his face and his voiceless talking, we find it very hard to understand him. My companion said not to mind all of his requests especially when it comes to moving his legs and hands because he cannot feel anything there anyway. According to her, his requests are pure psychological.

I tried to ignore him when he is calling our attention, but I find the sound of his teeth disturbing, so whenever he does it, I would go to him  and ask him what he wants. It takes a lot of patience in understanding what he is telling you by reading his mouth, not to mention that he speaks Arabic, and I'm just a beginner in that language. And I admit, sometimes, I lose my patience while I was trying to understand him, and I would just tell him that I cannot get what he wants. I will leave him for a moment but he will make the sound again, making me go back to him. If he wants to move his feet, he wants it to be placed specifically on a position he wants, and if you don't place it in that position, he would either make a sound with his teeth again or will shake his head.

The cycle goes on for the entire three shifts that I was there. But there's a catch. He would smile gratefully whenever I was able to understand him and do what he wants. I felt a kind of contentment whenever he smiles at me. He may not verbally say his appreciation, but his smile that reaches his eyes is enough for me to say that I've been his effective health care provider. 

I may not be wearing white, but I am sure I've been his angel for a while.

Feeling contented again.

Twenty Five

No, I'm not gonna rant that I'm growing old already. I mean, who doesn't grows old? Everyone does. And growing old is an inevitable life process. And when we grow, it should not only be adding in the number of your age years, but also in learning based from your life's experiences and acting as your age.

Today, I've turned twenty five. And the fact that I am thousand of miles away from my loved ones doesn't change the fact that I've grown old. And the responsibility that I am bearing heavily on my shoulder, and that I am sure I'm handling well, plus I am able to live and tolerate life away from home is just a few evidence that I am growing up as well.

Okay, so much for that.

I may be miles away from my family, friends and loved ones but today seems like I'm with them nonetheless. I started my day reading birthday greetings thru texts and Facebook messages and wall posts. I may not put it in my FB profile that it is my birthday today but because of the first greetings on my wall, others followed to greet me just when the clock strikes 12 midnight, Philippine time.

After reading those heartwarming greetings, I started to cook for my little party which was held later in the night. Take note, I stayed in the kitchen from eleven in the morning to six in the evening, making my body ache, especially my right arms from stirring all those foods. My flatmate helped me in slicing the onions and vegetables, but the rest, I did it alone.

We are supposed to set up the place, our accommodation's recreation center but because I was too busy at the kitchen, I have not found any time to do it.

No, I haven't bought that dress for the party. It was been staying inside my closet for quite sometime.

My birthday cake. Double Fudge Chocolate.

My initial visitors. Raine, Ate Wilma, Ate Bebe Roxy, Anne, Ate Jess

Here's the catch. I started planning for this day during my Valentines date with my ward colleagues. Because we're rarely together, they asked when our next get-together will be. That gave me the idea to invite them in our accommodation for my birthday. They all agreed and were even excited when videoke was mentioned. That set the plan. We will celebrate my birthday at the recreation center with matching videoke.

Now, I didn't know nor even came to my empty brain that a request from our Housing Department is needed when using the recreation center for parties. To make the story short, I didn't made any request. It was the first time that I will be using the place and the first time to invite my colleagues from other accommodation area. And to make matters worse, I was afraid that the guard will catch us for using the place without permit so I went to him and asked him if we can use the place even without the papers. He was firm in saying no, and even asked opinion from the Duty Security Officer in the hospital, who also said no. I talked to the DSO and tried if my charm will work, but he didn't even budged. He gave me the number our company's Security Supervisor so that I can talk to him but he had the same answer.

My colleagues arrived while I was still in the process of convincing the three men. They were not allowed to enter. Even them had tried to convince the guard, but to no avail. 

STRANDED. They never had the chance to enter!

ALL SMILES in spite of the tears.

But that didn't stopped the fun. I don't want to further ruin my already failed birthday party. I packed the foods for them and apologized for their inconvenience. They left without even touching the microphone and the videoke that they were excited about.

I went back to my other visitors and started to enjoy the party with them. The rest is all fun.

Thanks to Joan for unselfishly lending her mediacom.

Gifts! Thanks to you all!

I turned twenty five today, and I thanked the good God for my previous twenty four. And I'm praying for a good twenty five as well.

One Year Down, One More To Go! :)

Ambivalence. That is what I have felt when I have learned that at last, after my hardships of going from one agency to another during my free time from work, has been accepted to be a staff in a government hospital in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Happy because at last, my hardships has finally bore fruit; sad because I will be leaving my family and friends; hopeful, because it means I am a step away to pursuing my dreams; afraid, because I will living in a country whose culture is entirely different from the Philippines, not to mention that it's the first time that I will be out of the country and I don't have any friends and family to lean to.

And to top it all, sorrow, because, I have learned that my great grandpa died.

I did my best so that I can go home from Manila to see him for the last minute and to attend his internment. I was granted a three-day leave, two days of which was spent on the road, travelling from Manila to Bicol and vice versa just to be able to attend his wake.  Even if it was just like that, I felt that he will not hold grudge against me anymore, and I felt peaceful with that.

Since I already signed the offer letter,  I had my medical examination before going home and just waited for the result so that I can give my resignation letter to the owner/President of the hospital where I have worked. When the result was in, my agent called me that I am fit to work. I now then asked my head nurse if I can submit my resignation, have a specific date for it to become effective, but if until that day my flight is not yet sure, I can extend my days to work. (I don't want to stop working if I'm still unsure of the day I will be leaving. I am sending my siblings to school and I need funds.) She said yes, it happened before that the resignation letter's effectivity was extended. So, the next day, I typed my resignation letter at the hospital's computer (yes, I'm so thrifty to rent a computer outside and pay twenty bucks, hehe). The President of the hospital comes only every Sunday so I was not able to submit yet my letter after typing it. The following day, my agent called me "Ma'am, you already have a visa and we will schedule your flight on January 28." Take note, that day was January 18. Hwwhaattt?!? I asked the agent if she can move my flight so that I can prepare more, go home, tell my parents and to be able to put up the required placement fee and processing fee.  Hello! That was a mere 10 days! How will I be able to prepare for it all? And worst, I haven't prepared myself mentally and emotionally for it. Well, I was very busy working at hospital being an on-call OR nurse and midwife and I haven't had the time to introspect regarding my upcoming departure.

I immediately informed my head nurse that I will submit my resignation effective after a week but at the back of my head, I was wondering if I can even prepare with a short notice. I explained to her what happened and she understood me. She said she will be the one to tell the Administrator and President.

The next thing I knew, I was talking through the phone to the hospital's President/owner, accusing me that I have not followed the hospital's policy of submitting resignation letter 30 days prior to its effectivity. I explained that it happened so suddenly and everything isn't beyond my control. But she didn't listened to me. She said she will blocklist me. I cried while talking to her when she said that. Of course, I am just starting my career, and being blocklisted is like being pulled down and crushed into pieces while you are trying to stand up. I pleaded her not to do it, but she didn't listened to me.

When I told my father about it, he went to his friend whose daughter is working at Department of Labor. I was advised to go there and ask her what I can do regarding her threat to me. And there, I was told that the hospital's president is not that "big time" that she will have the power to blocklist me. Maybe I will be blocklisted from their hospital, but not from other hospitals. Besides, the salary I will be receiving abroad is four times greater than my current salary. With that, I was settled and prepared myself to leave. Blocklist me? Fine!

And because I have taken that risk, today is my 365th day in the kingdom, and so far, I have been well. And  in less than a year, I will be seeing Philippines again. I will be able to hug and kiss my loved ones again.

Feeling excited.

Year One

The e-love letter from my boyfriend.

 Speechless!

Mocha cake, courtesy of ate Wilma

All smiles.. :D

What more can I say? This says it all. And yes, I'm so in love! Haha!

See you soon mahal.. and I love you too..

Hugs and kisses!

Harraj

Buying from ukay-ukay (original second-hand clothings and home furnishings, accessories, etc.) has been a Filipino illness. My mom is a big ukay addict, buying clothes and shorts for us whenever she got extra money. No, sometimes she really allots money for ukay. For her, it is a lot better than buying local RTWs, whose quality is questionable. And buying signature clothes is very expensive either. I might have been influenced by mom because when I started to work, I became an ukay addict also.

At first, I thought that ukay is only in the Philippines, but my new friends in the Kingdom introduced me to harraj, Arabic term for ukay-ukay. I first learned about it when I was merely a month old in the Kingdom. That was the first time I went out of the city I'm living and travelled thirty minutes to go to Dammam, where the famous harraj place is. You can find everything there, from underwears (yes, underwears! eeewww!) to blouses and pants, gowns including wedding gowns, abayas, bags, bedsheets and comforters, curtains, footwears, sala sets, dining sets, electrical equipments such as television, vaccum cleaners, DVD players, cassettes, chandeliers, sewing machines, and anything you can imagine for a very low price.

With a lot to choose from, not to mention the length of travel spent plus my addiction to ukay, I was enthusiastic  pulling clothes from under the stacks of clothes. It takes a lot of patience and determination in order to select a still good and new one, which fits you, and that will pay off whenever you were able to find one. Aside from that, you will also find yourself being amused by the things you will see.

I once found a white duty shoe, which seems to be used only once by the previous owner because it really looks new, and to my disappointment,  it took me almost half an hour before giving up finding its pair.

Yesterday was the second time I went to harraj, now with the four of the Female Medical Ward staff. They invited me even I am not from their ward, and I feel honored of course. I was from night shift, and I haven't had a minute of nap. I felt the rush the moment I stepped out of the car we've used. We transferred from stacks of clothes to another. My older companions went straight to the curtain sections while me and ate Fam, who is only two to three years older than me were immersed on the clothes and bags.

Ate Fam with her chosen bags.

Yes, we've seated on the floor to be able to select properly.. :)

Looking at the backgrounds, we look like "basurera". If we will think about it, we really are, the only difference is we pay for the "basura" we've found.

Ate Mai and Ate Diony

Ate Mai.. Bags!!! 

Ate Andrea, bargaining for the lowest price.

Ate Diony and the stack of bags

When we thought we've already found enough and started to feel hungry, plus the sun is intensely hot, we decided to go home and eat lunch at one of Khobar's known Filipino restaurant.

After the "shopping". My eyes is dropping from absence of sleep for almost 24 hours.

Tadaaah! My finds.. :)

I found few dresses. Although I don't wear one, I'm wondering if I would be able to use it in the future.

Feeling full and contented, I slept the whole night. 

Ana Qwayyis

One of my patients, whom we know very well because she is frequently admitted due to sickle cell anemia in painful crisis, asks for Morphine injection because she is complaining of severe body pain. After following the narcotic drug protocol, I am ready to give the injection and went to her room.

"Here is your Morphine injection. Where do you want me to inject it?" I asked in Arabic.
"You? Why you?" She asks me, why I will be the one to inject her.
"Because I am your nurse", I said.
"No, I don't want you."
"Can you tell me why?"
"Because you are new."
"No, I am one year here already. I'm not new anymore."
"I want the old nurses. New nurses are not good."
"Ana qwayyis" (I am good), I said with a laugh.

She laughed with me while offering her right deltoid muscle for subcutaneous injection of the drug. While I am injecting, she says while laughing, "Why are you saying you are good? You must wait for me or the other nurses to tell you that you are good."

I laughed with her question while finishing my injection and asked her, "I am good, right? See, you didn't even flinched when I gave you the injection." Then she went on with her usual lines of jokes with all the nurses. She asked me, "What's your name again?", and when I repeated her my name, she answered she will not call me that, instead, she will call me ANA QWAYYIS.

From then on, during the entire shift, whenever she wants something and whenever I visit her in her room, she would call me ana qwayyis. Apart from that, she gave us something for snack.

This only shows that patience with your patients, accompanied by therapeutic communication technique is a great tool to earn the trust of your patients. Previously, during the first few hours of the shift, she seem to averse the idea that I will be her nurse because she wants "old nurses" but as the hours pass, I got to please her.

I had a fulfilled feeling, again.

In-Tensed

Today I was floated to Intensive Care Unit, a place where every patient looks like a Christmas tree. Tubings were hanging, cardiac monitors and ventilators were beeping non-stop. Everything was alien. And the patients? Well, anyone who weren't used to ICU and who doesn't have any medical background will never imagine their condition and how they look like.

It was the first time I was floated there, no, just a help actually because I never had any ICU background even on my college years, and the moment I stepped inside the unit, I asked myself, what will happen next? What awaits my entire 12-hour shift here? And really, I was puzzled on what's happening with the regular staff buzzing around, very busy with one is to one nurse to patient ratio.

Photo credit to Wikipedia

Aside from the monitors at the patients' bedsides, there is also a central monitoring screen at the Nurse's station showing each patient's ECG tracing and vital signs. They are also doing total parenteral nutrition, which I haven't had the chance to experience before.

What I did? I became an instant file porter and errand girl, going to the pharmacy, to the laboratory, to the blood bank, and to the ICU extension, aside from helping them turning the patients to sides. I wanted to ask questions and learn, but I wasn't given the chance. Imagine them very busy and me disturbing them asking questions.

Now that we are allowed to help at ICU, I am looking forward to more days working with the ICU staff. And I am hoping that in the next days to come, I will be able to learn their way.

Crossed fingers.

Major Major

This is not a Venus Raj ditto nor the Indie rock band from Liverpool. This is just a summary of the "major major" things that have happened in my life for the past fifty two weeks.

Year of the Dragon has been good to me. No, good is an understatement. Very good I think is a good term. It's not that the previous years has not but I really felt that 2012 is my year, considering the fact that I was also born on the year of the Dragon.

Like any other years, I had my ups and downs. I started the year with sorrow. Three days before the shifting of the year, my grandfather who has been good to us left us at the age of a hundred. He was so kind that anything you ask him, he would definitely give it to you as long as he can. I was devastated when I learned the sad news that I have never had the time to rejoice after hearing the news that I had been hired in the institution where I am working now. The news that my great grandfather died and the news that I was hired here came on the same day and at the same hour of the day. Great, isn't it?  The sadness was overwhelming that I forgot if I ever had said thank you to the agent who had broke me the good news and asked me to sign the offer letter.

I signed the offer letter, had my medical examination, had the result that I am fit to work, had my visa and without much waiting, I already had the day of my flight. I attended for the first time the mandatory PDOS (Pre-Departure Orientation Seminar), bought myself lots of sweatshirts because I will be arriving at the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia during winter season, and went home to say my goodbyes prepare things for my upcoming departure.

And oh, before I forgot, I went to the Department of Labor and made a scene there, crying in front of two lawyers! I went there because I was threatened that I will be blocklisted because I didn't followed the 30-day resignation policy. I don't know whether in their hospital or from other hospitals. I asked them if it is possible that I will be blocked, and they made a very good advice to me. *Wink*

Saying goodbye is difficult especially if it is your first time to travel abroad. No, I didn't shed a tear. I told myself not to do that. I've shed tears almost the whole four years of my college life and I promised myself that I will cry not because of petty matters.

When I came back to Manila, I've packed my things, held a simple dispedida party with my colleagues at the hospital, and met my college friends, some of them I haven't met again since graduation.

And the most important thing that happened to me? I just had a boyfriend two or three hours before boarding our plane! Nice timing, huh?

For the first time I was able to ride the plane and stepped out of the country, and started living independently. Not that I was not independent before. I have learned living away from my parents not a long time ago, but of course, this is different.

I started my new job, had the so-called culture shock, met new friends, had my very first birthday here in the Kingdom, passed my probationary period and started working as regular staff. I also passed the Saudi Council and had my license here.

After my 6th month, I started to start as charge nurse, which means greater responsibility-- handling my own patients while handling all the patients in the ward, going with the doctor's rounds, and handling the keys of the narcotics and controlled drugs, which are equivalent to millions in the Philippines, and if anything was lost or given to the patient by mistake, it means going back to the Philippines immediately.

I had my minor accident with matching syncope while having our motorbike adventure at Azizia, got a small scratch, and was reprimanded by my boyfriend, my bestfriend, and my bestfriend's mom. Yes, you read it right. I haven't told my own mom about it but my "other" mom knows.

And because I the one earning, I was able to send my siblings to school. My sister, who was born next to me is now a graduating college student, and I am very proud that I am the one who sends her to school. Apart from that, I am also sending my brother to college. He had stopped for two years due to financial constraints.

There were times when homesickness attack me. And during those times, I always remind myself that this is not just for me and my future, but for my family as well. Sometimes, those thoughts would help me get to my senses.

I had my fair share of ups and downs, but being life as like a roller coaster, we just have to enjoy the ride.