That Connection

For three unconsecutive but short-spanned days, I was assigned at ICU Extension. Their patients are long-term chronic patients with ventilators. During that time that I was there, they only have two patients, a man and a woman, both geriatrics, both diagnosed with respiratory failure, and both depends their lives on the machines attached to their bodies.

The old man's respiratory failure is secondary to his chronic motor neuron disease. He is quadriplegic (paralyzed on all four limbs). Paralyzed that he is, he cannot move his body. He can talk but you will not hear any sound because of the tracheostomy tube on his throat attached to the ventilator. Yes, he is fully conscious, but helpless.

Whenever he wants anything, he would make a sound with his teeth. That has became his "call bell" since he won't be able to press the call bell beside him. The only part of his body which he can move by himself is his head and his face.

Every now and then, he would get our attention with his "call bell". Usually he wants only to move his legs on his desired position, ask for another blanket or fix his blanket  suction his tracheal secretions, or fix his arms. And since he cannot do any gesture but his face and his voiceless talking, we find it very hard to understand him. My companion said not to mind all of his requests especially when it comes to moving his legs and hands because he cannot feel anything there anyway. According to her, his requests are pure psychological.

I tried to ignore him when he is calling our attention, but I find the sound of his teeth disturbing, so whenever he does it, I would go to him  and ask him what he wants. It takes a lot of patience in understanding what he is telling you by reading his mouth, not to mention that he speaks Arabic, and I'm just a beginner in that language. And I admit, sometimes, I lose my patience while I was trying to understand him, and I would just tell him that I cannot get what he wants. I will leave him for a moment but he will make the sound again, making me go back to him. If he wants to move his feet, he wants it to be placed specifically on a position he wants, and if you don't place it in that position, he would either make a sound with his teeth again or will shake his head.

The cycle goes on for the entire three shifts that I was there. But there's a catch. He would smile gratefully whenever I was able to understand him and do what he wants. I felt a kind of contentment whenever he smiles at me. He may not verbally say his appreciation, but his smile that reaches his eyes is enough for me to say that I've been his effective health care provider. 

I may not be wearing white, but I am sure I've been his angel for a while.

Feeling contented again.